I have a drinking problem. My problem isn't that I have alcoholism. I don't feel a compulsion to drink, and I usually only go out for drinks with my friends once a month, or so. No, my drinking problem lies in the fact that once the first beverage hits my lips then I lose all ability to say "no thanks" to the next one. I don't have an "off" switch to speak of at all, and that leads to some pretty weird situations.
I knew it was bad when I blacked out the first time. I take all of this in stride, because I know it's not an uncommon thing for people to drink too much and then just lose track of the night's events. It's what I do during these black outs that causes me concern. My friends aren't that concerned, because it seems that a new person comes out when I've gotten to that level of drunkenness.
If you were to talk to me on the phone during the day and then talk to me after I've had ten shots of whiskey, you would be talking to two people who don't share any of the same traits at all. I find the things I do while drunk to be reprehensible. Drunk me would think that sober me is a boring stiff. Drunk me laughs at funny t-shirts that sober me would find silly. Are you starting to understand the severity? Everyone thinks it's funny but me!
The worst of these evening was a night in which I destroyed an entire bottle of tequila in the length of just two hours. I only really recall the first five shots, but the rest is a high-speed blur only remembered in the snap shots of my best friend's camera phone.
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact moment he pushed me into a large gentleman behind me, who then pushed me back into my friend while I laughed hysterically. The bar bouncer came to ask about the commotion, only to find that my penis was still exposed from my previous pee-fits. I'm sure the scratches on my face are from the gravel in the parking lot as I was tossed from the bar.
Of course, all of this just made my friends laugh harder. I don't condone getting this drunk for any reason, and I may stop drinking all together. Perhaps if I drank more often, my tolerance for alcohol would keep me from blacking out so often. I never remember the terrible things that I do, and I really thought my drinking buddies made most of it up. I found out how wrong I was when I found out I had been banned from a bar for 90 days. My friends all pitched in and bought me a funny t-shirt that reads, "Get Me Drunk And Enjoy The Show." The good news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it. The bad news is that people buy me free shots when I wear it.
Author Resource:-
To learn more about funny t-shirts, you should check out funny t-shirts for an informative product site.
If you hold the copyright to an article which has been posted on this site without your consent or knowledge, pleaseContact us and we will remove it immediately.
![[Valid RSS feed]](http://www.articlesharer.com/images/icon_Rss.png "XML Feed For RSS"){kind=icon}
Category Rss Feed
Print This Article
Add To Favorites
